While J4 and I will most likely remain friendly, I don't think we are going to maintain the friendship we had going. I am actually extremely hurt by this, but I can't say that I didn't see it coming. You see, J4 and I have now known each other for about 6 months. 6 happens to be that magic number that makes everyone disappear.
Every friendship or relationship I have with a guy that's been working well ends at 6 months. I'm not sure what it is. I guess it's hard to handle me for that long.
I explained this to the new guy I've been talking to. Let's call him Doc for now. Doc described it as living a "gypsy lifestyle". I could only agree with him. I've done research on the Roma Gypsies and , while I don't have it nearly as bad as them, it made more sense than he knew. When they need to they can just pick up and leave without worrying about the nothing they are leaving behind. When I want to, I can disappear for months at a time without worrying about friends, since I have none. I've learned to discard people after a certain amount of time. Maybe I've guarded myself so intensely that it's now a habit of my subconscious to make people go away within a certain amount of time. Just as I seem to be getting attached, I push them away. I wonder if I can break a habit powered by a mind I seemingly have no control over. (Don't think about that too hard, it's sort of a paradox and I dislike dealing with those.)
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